Near Death Experience
I suppose we were in need of some form of update so allow me to bore you with a story and look for sympathy.
Tuesday (April 11), after a long day of working really really hard, I arrived home in my driveway to find my children playing soccer. Well, I suppose I was feeling a bit frisky so I jumped out and intercepted a ball and proceeded to play keep away from my weirdos. Somewhere along the line, my sweet ball movement skills with my feet failed me. I stepped directly on the ball and one foot went to the left…and the other to the right. I went down hard and my knee was wrecked. As I lay on the ground, my evil weirdos were uncertain of whether I was still alive or not were poking me with a stick like some sedated animal in a cage (this is how I am choosing to remember it anyway). I lay there for a few minutes because, well I’m old and old people dont fall very well. But it gets worse….
Next thing you know, my evil wife comes out the door. She was talking and laughing on the phone with her brother. At the very least they were NOT laughing about my fall. In fact, Claudia didn’t know I had fallen and proceeded over to my broken body. In my short time laying on the ground, the pain had now migrated up to my right hip, the very same hip I broke when I was in my early 20’s. She saw me lying there and had a confused look on her face and then it happened; she KICKED me in the very knee that I had just wrecked. She later told me “I thought you were just playing with the kids”.
Moral of the story….wait, there is no freaking moral to this story! When you’re old, don’t pretend you’re Lionel Messi while still wearing combat boots….or ever honestly. There was nowhere to go but DOWN in that scenario. One thing I learned is to not look for sympathy from my spouse and that in her eyes a kick is the same as a kiss on the forehead.
It has been a few days since, what I am now calling “The Incident”. I have apparently healed so no physical damage. The mental and psychological damage is more than likely irreparable. Each time I tell this story, AND I HAVE TOLD A LOT OF PEOPLE, it becomes more refined and fun to tell. I hope you’ve enjoyed this as much as I have.